2014年9月10日 星期三

Joan Rivers ,趙彥寧






我們與趙彥寧、陳巨擘吃過飯。

九把刀:『一考進東海社會學研究所後,我就打定主意無論如何都要寫有關網路小說相關的題目,如此我才能夠一邊寫小說,一邊用最有效率的方式完成論文。如果找不到老師收留我的題目,我就只好找校外的老師指導(那麼做的結果,會帶給自己很大的麻煩)。

那麼,我該找哪個老師指導我呢?

我將目光瞄準大家都認為有點怪怪的、行事讓人捉摸不定的趙彥寧老師。我的邏輯是:如果趙老師真的是一個貨真價實的怪咖,那麼她一定能夠理解同樣是怪咖的我吧?!』
http://cmi-e.com/9/page_06.html

但趙老師跟我之間完全不認識,為了讓趙老師知道我是什麼樣的人,我自告奮勇申請擔任趙彥寧老師的人類學的課程助教(所以,誕生了<在甘比亞釣水鬼的男人>一書)。我永遠記得那天初次見面的情景。

研究室裡厚實的繽紛地毯,隨意堆置的原文書,淡淡的煙草香,陽光透進半昏暗的空氣。有種吉普賽的風格。

「柯景騰。」趙老師點了根菸,看著申請表。

「老師好。」我彬彬有禮。

「我以前沒有看過你。」趙老師抬起頭,面無表情地說。

「嗯,因為我以前不是念東海的,研究所才考進來。」

「你對人類學很有興趣嗎?」

「沒興趣,但因為完全不熟,所以也說不上討厭。」

「那你為什麼要當助教?」

「因為我想讓老師指導我的論文,所以我想先當助教,讓老師認識一下。」

「喔,好啊。」

第一次見面就這樣草草結束,趙老師連我的論文題目都提不起勁問我,我也沒有勇氣開口演講我的論文理念。我比較有印象的,居然是一起擔任助教的美女柏蓁學姊。

半年後,歷經了我比所有大學生都還要用功的人類學課(上助教課時,大家想聽我在台上講笑話的慾望,大過於想聽我認真講課。話說回來,人類學讓我獲益匪淺。),趙老師終於把我叫進教授研究室。

還是,先點了一支菸。

「九把刀,你的論文要寫什麼?」趙老師總是單刀直入。

「我想寫有關網路小說的東西,虛擬社群之類的。」我正襟危坐。

「這個題目也可以找老朱啊?為什麼一定要找我?」她皺眉。

靠,老師好像有點不爽。這個問題讓我慌了手腳,胡亂回答了其他老師的研究背景為什麼不適合我等等。趙老師靜靜地看著我,好像我的鼻子上有飯粒。

「說了這麼多,你找我,是想我怎麼幫你?」

「......」我從未想過這個問題,不知哪來的一句:「我的邏輯不好,希望老師可以指點我寫論文的邏輯。」

「邏輯不好?不會啊,我看你平常講話的邏輯很好啊。」趙老師似笑非笑,輕吐白霧道:「我看你是找不到其他老師,才來找我的吧。」



我腦中頓時一片空白。

「啊......」我臉紅:「也是這樣啦。」

「好啊,這也無所謂。」趙老師翹著腿,優雅地問:「那你要怎麼寫?」

我精神一振,立刻將存在我腦中已久的論文計畫慢慢講了一遍。

趙老師認真聽我說著想法,一邊在隨手拿來的紙上寫下建議書單,喃喃說道:「你這個想法,跟Bourdieu的habitus說法很接近,可以去看某某書......嗯嗯,你這個文化資本的說法,可以去找找看Castells......」我每說一個想法,那張紙就多一本書。

寫過論文的人應該知道,趙老師這個舉動實在非常貼心,省下我日後自行在書海裡胡亂衝撞的過程。但,看著那張越來越細密的建議書單,我的心越來越沈重......要看這麼多書,那我的小說還寫個屁。

終於,我講完了,趙老師也寫完了密密麻麻的書單。

正事完畢,我們開始胡亂聊天。不知怎地聊到了我對未來的規劃。

「沒有意外的話,我以後想要專職寫小說。」

「喔,寫小說可以賺很多錢嗎?」

「也不是,只是我找不到比寫小說之外更有趣的事,既然寫小說也可以賺錢,但當然就是繼續寫小說啦。」

「你可以繼續考博士班,然後一邊讀一邊寫啊。」

「讀博士完全不適合我。」我斬釘截鐵。

「為什麼?」

「因為我只喜歡看書,不喜歡讀書。」我想了想,很認真說道:「其中的差別就是,我只喜歡大概地看一本理論書,不見得對每一個章節都有興趣,沒辦法細看,更重要的,我也不喜歡因為要課堂報告就去讀一本我不感興趣的書。」

趙老師點點頭,慢條斯理說:「九把刀,我知道該怎麼指導你的論文了。」

「啊,是怎樣?」我一震。

「你就照你的方法寫吧。」趙老師打開抽屜,將那張書單丟進去。

「照我的方法?」我頭歪掉。

「你想怎麼寫就怎麼寫吧,用你自己覺得可以通過口試委員那關的程度。」趙老師淡淡地說:「你剛剛說的研究方法跟研究對象我都覺得很不錯,如果你覺得看很多書不會對你的論文有幫助,那你就不用看了。」

「不......不用看了?」我好嚇。

「對啊,幹嘛看。」

「老師......妳......妳生氣了喔?」我快不能呼吸了。

「我為什麼要生氣,論文是你自己要寫的,書也是你要不要看的。」趙老師用貴族的表情,一笑:「你想寫的題目我沒有特別研究,所以你比我更清楚你的論文該怎麼完成。反正我要你改一個我研究領域裡的題目,你也不會接受吧?」

「不想。」我吞了口口水,說:「絕對不想。」

「那就對了,不過,萬一都沒看書結果論文寫不出來,我也管不著。反正畢業是你的事,不是我的事,如果你不想畢業我也沒辦法。」

我在發抖。

「老師,說真的啦!」

「我說真的啊。」

「真的不用看書?」

「你寫小說需要一邊看書嗎?」

完全傻眼,我幾乎無法動彈。

「老師。」

「幹嘛?」

「我發現我好愛妳喔。」

「少來。」

就這樣,我獲得了自由。





Joan Rivers' most scathing red carpet fashion criticisms: 'She's a disaster'

From Natalie Portman to Lady Gaga, no one was safe on the red carpet when fashion critic-in-chief Joan Rivers was around




Joan Rivers at the Oscars
Joan Rivers arrives to the 78th Annual Academy Awards in 2006. Photograph: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
Joan Rivers was as funny as she was feared, especially during Hollywood’s award season. Having built her career on speaking her mind, the comedian became a red carpet fixture in the mid 90s for her praise and criticism of celebrity outfits. In tribute to her cutting one-liners, here is a selection of her best red carpet zingers.

Anna Kendrick (Oscars 2014)



Anna Kendrick at the 2014 Oscars
Anna Kendrick at the 2014 Oscars. Photograph: Getty

Joan Rivers: “I like her, such a good actress, but the dress is ill-fitted, the slit is too short at the knee – the bodice of her dress makes her look like she has her left breast in a sling.”
Rivers’ humour wasn’t lost on Kendrick.


RIP Joan Rivers. Being publicly told that my dress is hideous will never feel quite as awesome. You will be truly missed.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 4, 2014

Lady Gaga (2012)



Lady Gaga Hair purple
Lady Gaga in Hong Kong in 2012. Photograph: Getty

Rivers kept her instructions to Kelly Osborne, her purple-haired co-host, simple: “Look away, Kelly! I don’t want you to have to see this: so many of your people have died to make that dress.”

Natalie Portman (2010)



Actress Natalie Portman attends the New York Premiere of Black Swan in 2010.Photograph: Marcel Thomas/FilmMagic

Joan Rivers: “I don’t like that she’s carrying a book. It says: ‘This movie sucks, it’s so boring I’m going to read through it.’”

Lindsay Lohan (various)



Lindsay Lohan attends the GQ men of the year awards at The Royal Opera House on September 2, 2014 in London, England
Lindsay Lohan attends the GQ men of the year awards in September 2014.Photograph: Ben Pruchnie/FilmMagic

Joan Rivers: “She’s such a disaster, when the trains actually wreck now, they call them ‘Lindsay Lohans.’”
Yesterday, Lindsay finally set the record straight:


We'd fuss but love was there. Cant believe ur gone. Love to your family. You were iconic and trailblazing. RIP Joanpic.twitter.com/hV7fH03gfw
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) September 4, 2014

Rihanna (2014)



Rhianna iheartradio
Rhianna at the iHeartRadio awards in 2014. Photograph: AP

Joan Rivers: “I love Rihanna. I think she can do no wrong, but … I have not seen lips that green since Miss Piggy got out of the backseat of Kermit’s car.”
A few months later, and Rihanna was rallying her troops:


Please keep Joan Rivers in your prayers
— Rihanna (@rihanna) September 2, 2014

Keri Hilson (2011)



Kerry Hilson Grammys
Kerry Hilson at a pre-Grammys gala in 2011. Photograph: Getty

Joan Rivers: “I just wanna build a fire, pour champagne, and make love on top of her.”

Florence Welch (2011)



Florence Welch at the 2011 Grammy Awards
Florence Welch at the 2011 Grammy awards. Photograph: UPI

Joan Rivers: “She was so committed to that bird theme that halfway through, she left the ceremony to go crap on somebody’s windshield.”

Lena Dunham (various, but specifically: 2013)



Dunham at the 'This is 40' Hollywood Premiere held at Grauman's Chinese Theater, Hollywood.
Dunham at the This is 40 Hollywood premiere. Photograph: Jeff Frank/ Jeff Frank/ZUMA Press/Corbis

When Rivers was questioned about Dunham’s body she said: “I don’t look at her breasts, I’m always reading them.” (In reference to Dunham’s many tattoos.)
Which is why it was so fitting that Dunham eulogized Rivers on Twitter the best way she could:


That being said, Joan is gone but a piece of her lives on: her nose, because it's made of polyurethane.
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) September 4, 2014



Joan Rivers was a pointed, pioneering comedian



(CNN) -- Joan Rivers could turn anything into a joke, and that includes her own funeral.

As unearthed by Mashable's Brian Ries, the comedian concocted a very specific, and very funny, burial service wish list in her 2012 book, "I Hate Everyone ... Starting With Me."

Needless to say, Rivers was not planning a simple farewell.

"When I die ... I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action," Rivers says in the book.

"I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way," she continues. "I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents."
Mourners can skip the eulogy, because Rivers would rather have "Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing 'Mr. Lonely.' I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag."

And, last but definitely not least, "I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's."

We can only hope Rivers gets her wish. As of Friday, Rivers' service was set for Sunday at Manhattan's Temple Emanu-El.
張貼留言

網誌存檔